Friday, 23 January 2015

Caution power drunk registrar operating in this wedding venue

“Excuse me young man would you mind standing at the back during the ceremony and take no pictures? That’s it, right back, keep walking, now stand still while I apply this nail gun to your shiny shoes and may I have you camera, you’ll get it back at the end if you keep quiet”

One in 10 wedding registrars clearly have proximity issues with wedding photographers. The other month I was pretty chuffed to get booked at a drop dead gorgeous venue in North Yorkshire. But as I leapt into to the ceremony room 1 minute before the Bride made her grand entrance I got a whisper in my ear..

“No pictures during the ceremony, I will stop the ceremony if you take pictures”

The registrar timed the line perfectly, leaving me stunned I starred motionless into the flashing strobes of guest cameras, paralysed by the Gestapo tone of a women who looked like she’d just walked off the set of Schindler's List

The registrar in question didn’t brief me ahead of the ceremony that pictures were not aloud unless of course you were a guest then no problem.

This type of situation is pure stress, you know the couple has asked for pics of the ceremony but the master of the ceremonies has surreptitiously blocked you. You stand flaccid, impotent with a big floppy camera around your neck to the tune of Josh Groban’s you raise me up.

I have since learnt however to ignore registrars from the SS school of photography crowd management with once simple comeback…

Taking inspiration from the Kim Jong-il's book “How to deal with alternative points of view”, I apply a swift Karate chop to the fools Adams apple, it certainly shuts them up.